HOW TO CULTIVATE SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY IN MARRIAGE

"Help, I am not sexually compatible with my spouse"

Here are a few ways to cultivate sexual compatibility in marriage if you have the above concern.

1. Don't have an exit plan. Stop wondering if there is better sex out there as this will sow seeds of infidelity

2. Know that even though sex is a key component of marriage, there is more to marriage than sex. Look at your spouse holistically, what are you grateful for?

3. Know that each marriage has its own journey and seasons. For some, this includes a season when sex becomes scarce or boring

4. Look back and see if you two have been having difficulty connecting sexually from the very beginning. Most likely you two started off with a spark then the fire died down. What sequence of events led to the dip?

5. Beyond the sex, are there underlying issues in your marriage that are not being addressed? Issues such as communication, respect, finances, phone use, in laws and insecurities? Underlying issues going ignored lead to you two having negative perception towards each other. Sex starts in the mind. Once you have a negative opinion of your spouse, sex will suffer

6. Know that there are libido killers in men and women. Men's enthusiasm for sex can be negatively affected due to work stress, financial constraints, self consciousness about the size of the penis and disrespect from the wife. For women, financial constraints, exhaustion, low self-esteem, self consciousness about her body and insensitivity from the husband can negatively affect her sex drive. Address these by making your spouse feel understood. Cultivate emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy will follow

7. Know that sometimes libido is inhibited due to hormonal changes as a result of family planning. If this is an issue, consider as a couple to change the family planning method

8. Go through the SEX QUIZ FOR HUSBANDS and SEX QUIZ FOR WIVES. A series of tests designed by Akello and I to help a couple know each other better sexually

9. Don't flirt with other people on social media, on the phone or face to face. This will distract you and complicate the issue

10. Do not do things that make your spouse suspect you're cheating even if you are not. Entertaining other people in your marriage will make your spouse repel you

11. If you have cheated in the past, demonstrate that you have changed by being appreciative, honest, transparent, accountable and consistent

12. Do not mock the sexual performance of your spouse by criticising his penis, making fun of her body or comparing your spouse with others or porn stars

13. Don't try to live up to what you see in porn sites. Porn videos are acted out as they push the limits

14. Don't rush to porn and masturbation. This will make you lazy at working on your marriage as you are already getting pleasure, making your spouse irrelevant

15. Praise your spouse's body and skill. This will make him/her feel good good and want to please you more. Ego is crucial in love making for both man and woman

16. Don't get carried away by the sex stories your friends give you. Sometimes they exaggerate because most people having sex want to brag they are having the best. Listening to this banter alot will make you think you are missing out and put pressure on your marriage

17. Have a Queen's night once every week or two weeks. During this Queen's night, it is all about the wife getting pleasure and for the husband to do to her as she likes it. If she wants to be kissed, licked, rubbed, made love to whatever style of her choice, his role is to satisfy her and give it to her. In those nights it is not about him but her. Also have a King's night once a week or biweekly which is the reverse, a night where it is all about the wife giving the husband pleasure as he requests. This will teach you to custom make pleasure for each other and help you study each other's body and erogenous spots

18. Learn to exclusively flirt. Stop being rigid. Send each other naughty messages, exchange naughty conversations and let loose. Play around with each other. This will make you comfortable

19. Remember that love is the greatest aphrodisiac. Don't focus on orgasms, focus on loving each other in a way that both of you feel loved. This will lead to physical connection that will drive your body crazy

20. Change sex positions. Change settings, make over your bedroom or occasionally book a hotel room away from the kids and go make love there

21. Attend to each other's fetish. We all have our sexual fantasies, make your spouse's fantasies come true as long as it is just between you two. No threesomes or orgies. Do what enhances faithfulness

22. Invest in good lingerie, or if you are kinky, buy edible underwear. Look visually appealing and have memorable fun

©️ Chioma
@everyone